The Menstrual Mafia

Whether it's literature, feminism or parenthood – She's on the blog

About the Writer

Crystal Jeans writer The Vegetarian Tigers of Paradise

Crystal Jeans - author

Gone are the days when you, the great writer, can just hole up in a shitty dark flat and hunker over a desk, tapping out words, drinking coffee, smoking fags and kicking the phone over when it rings; leaving the house only to buy bog roll, crisps, Liebfraumilch and to cash a cheque from the publisher.

Gone are the days when you sold those words and nothing else.  Now you must sell yourself.  You’ve got to get out there – do readings, build an online presence and be personable.

Eww, just . . . Eww.

Honestly, it’s fucking horrible.

But starting a blog?  A space for one to spew out one’s precious opinions?  This might be fun.

You can never have too many uninformed opinions, right?

I’m Crystal Jeans, a thirty-four year old single mother from Cardiff, South Wales.  I write poetry, fiction and non-fiction (got my fingers in all the pies).  This year my debut novel, The Vegetarian Tigers of Paradise, was published by Honno Press.  Next year they will publish my second novel, Lightswitches Are my Kryptonite.


And so here I am, pimping myself out.

I will blog about writing, feminism, motherhood.  Whatever I fancy really.  I may post the odd short story or poem for free.

Please take my opinions with a pinch of salt. I am primarily just trying to be funny.

My Publications


The Vegetarian Tigers of Paradise – published in May 2016 by Honno Press

“Sometimes Crissy’s mum is her best friend, sometimes a woman to be frightened of. A diet of Hammer horror and cake mix has hardened her heart and her arteries and even Jehovah can’t bring her into line. She’s never going to be like other mums. One misstep and Crissy is ordered to pack her bags: she’s off to live with Freddy Krueger on the other side of the woods…

“The Vegetarian Tigers of Paradise is a heart-warming, occasionally scabrous insight into growing up wild in the 1990s when your family didn’t quite fit in – a wise and witty debut from a talented and unusual voice.”

Blogs and Articles 2016

‘Easy Tiger . . . Kinda’ – Author’s notes, Western Mail: Weekend, May 2016

Short Stories

‘Hot Sauce’ – Man Behind the Mask, horror anthology, to be published Oct/Nov 2016

‘My Bukowski’New Welsh Review

‘Split Me In Two, Gareth Moon’New Welsh Review, shortlisted for Bridport Prize 2012


Just Like That – Mulfran Miniature Series, Mulfran Press, 2011

‘Little Lovely One’ – Under the Radar: Issue Ten, Nine Arches Press, 2012

‘One Bitch Left’ – Planet, Issue 208, Winter 2012

‘Day at the Hospital’ – Tokens for the Foundlings, Seren Books, 2012

‘Lonely Apples’Streetcake Magazine, issue 24, 2012

Reviews and Interviews for New Welsh Review

The Strange Case of the Composer and His Judge, Patricia Duncker

Scars, Juan Jose Saer

You, Me and the Birds, Allan Kellerman

Blow on a Dead Man’s Embers, Mari Strachan

Interview with Niall Griffiths